Wrong Planet
Jul 30th, 2009 by Lola
I feel like an alien or an outsider most of the time for a variety of reasons. But the main reason is: I don’t understand the desperate need/desire for sex.
It’s nice, I guess. I’ve had fun from time to time. It’s not that I haven’t enjoyed it. But there’s so much more that I’d rather spend my time on and sex seems to take so much frakking time. There’s work, housework, yardwork – the things we have to do. Then there’s hobbies, interests, friends – the things we enjoy doing. If I made a list of all the things I enjoy doing, it wouldn’t even occur to me to put sex on the list. I can quite honestly go six months without having relations and not really notice it. That’s not really normal for a human being, mentally or physically, but it’s the way I am.
Of course, this puts a lot of stress on my marriage because my wife is from this planet. We’ve achieved an uneasy truce for now but I always feel that I’m failing her in an incredibly profound way. We talk about it from time to time and she claims it’s “okay” – she makes it clear that sex is more important to her than it is to me and that she does want it more frequently than I do, but that she’s committed to our relationship and this is just a part of that relationship.
Still, I feel I’m unfair to her and that’s not really okay with me. But it’s also not okay with me to waste tons of time on sex, either. I just can’t seem to find that happy medium.
Stumble it!
I’ll bet you are not as unusual as you think. I have to admit I was sure you were a woman until the third paragraph, but I think that just shows what our societal expectations are, not biological destiny. We are taught that men want sex all the time, so we think it’s weird if one doesn’t.
I would much rather have a hot fudge sundae than sex, and I’ll bet if you counted, my husband has given me the former more often than the latter. It gives him a satisfied wife, and it makes me feel all warm inside that he thinks of me and brings me treats (sweets, and thoughtful emails, and books, and music, and doing the dishes) that show me he thinks of me and knows me and loves me. I guess sex is nice, too, but it’s not that high on the list for me.
It’s higher on his list than mine, but I’ll tell you, not as high as TV and movies lead me to believe it should be. I think there are some people who think sex is really important, and some who just think its great, but not in an obsessive addictive way. Anyone else?