Needing to Be Alone
Aug 1st, 2009 by Lola
I am the mother of three children under the age of five. My husband and I both work. My time is spent either alone with my children, with my husband and children, or at work.
The only alone time I get is when everyone is asleep before me. I cherish this time, but find I pay dearly for it by being tired all day.
I love my family and even like my job. And I realize that if I didn’t work, that time I spent at work would just be spent with my kids — I’d get no more alone time.
Before I got married, or even met my husband, I LOVED living alone. I had wondered if I’d be able to be happily married sharing space. I am happily married and can share. But I find that casualty of alone time the hardest to bear.
I don’t want an afternoon to go shopping alone, or to get a pedicure. I do enjoy getting a babysitter and having a “date” with my husband, but what I really long for, what I really dream of, is time alone where I don’t need to do anything.
But my husband’s schedule is just like mine. He spends as much time with his spouse and the kids as I do. He never seems to need alone time. He’d prefer time alone with me, or friends, but not ALONE.
And so for me to ask him to give me a day away leaves me feeling shitty. He’d oblige, and has obliged. But I know he wonders what’s wrong with me. It’s easier to ask for time to spend with a friend, or time to get that pedicure. I think about lying about a pedicure just to be alone. But I also want to be alone in my own home. Kinda hard to ask my husband to watch the kids and do it away from their toys, food and nap-space.
So I just keep going. Mothering, working, cleaning, being a wife. And dreaming of being left all alone.
Stumble it!
I hear what you’re saying. A co-worker and I were just discussing this the other day – we are both like you and have spouses who are like your spouse.
It’s frustrating, but it is necessary to build in time for just you. Keeps you from tearing your spouse’s and kids’ hair out!
Sounds like you are an introvert, you get recharged by spending time alone. Don’t deny it to yourself – you need it.
I am glad to hear that I am not the only woman that feels this way! None of my friends can really relate. I am getting married in a couple of months and not being able to have enough alone time is one of my biggest concerns. I don’t function well without my alone time! I need it to regroup, relax, and to pull myself together! This has actually made me reconsider having children as a result!