Comments for Masqued Blog

Comment on Adoption Blues by Moondance

Moondance — Sun, 15 May 2011 01:16:13 +0000

Amazing! None of would stop a person from having children, but if you want to adopt, many people can decide that you can’t be a parent.

Comment on Needing to Be Alone by Car

Car — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 01:04:19 +0000

I am glad to hear that I am not the only woman that feels this way! None of my friends can really relate. I am getting married in a couple of months and not being able to have enough alone time is one of my biggest concerns. I don’t function well without my alone time! I need it to regroup, relax, and to pull myself together! This has actually made me reconsider having children as a result!

Comment on Nothing to Cheer About by Anon

Anon — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:22:43 +0000

Chris, thank you for your thoughtful comment — it isn’t too long! You make a lot of sense. I feel better and will take your advise and try to incorporate alcohol organically into my life. And try to lose the guilt. Thanks again.

Comment on Nothing to Cheer About by chris

chris — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 08:58:46 +0000

I forgot to say – the more you can model other ways of handling stress to your children and help them discover ways of handling stress that help them, they’re going to remember that far more than a drink or two a night.

And in my experience, children of teetotalers are far more likely to go too far with alcohol than children who learn to see it used in moderation.

Comment on Nothing to Cheer About by chris

chris — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 08:56:01 +0000

I think that it is probably less about how much and how often you are currently drinking and more about your behavior. An acquaintance of mine discovered that his dad is a “dry drunk.” In other words, his father acts like a drunk even though he has never had a drink in his life. He’s aggressive, angry, holds to irrational “rules” despite knowing he’s making a situation worse, and so on and so forth. And, it is everyone else’s fault, not his own. If only everyone else would behave appropriately, he wouldn’t have to play bad guy.

In my experience, this is the damage of alcoholism on children and those around the alcoholic. (Also the variation where a child has to take care of a parent – but that’s the flip side of the same coin – not accepting responsibility for actions.)

Over the last few years, I’ve found myself in the same position you’re describing and I would gamble that many adult children of alcoholics do the same. Most of us don’t know what it is to use alcohol in a “normal” way and we become overly obsessed with how much we drink and what that might mean.

My theory is there is that you can abuse alcohol without being an alcoholic. It sounds like right now because you are telling yourself you’re not going to drink, but then come home and have one or two servings, you’re perhaps abusing it, but not necessarily going too far. A true alcoholic would most likely not be able to stop at a serving or two.

Rather than worrying about exactly how much you’re drinking, maybe you should look at why? If it’s to unwind, can you quit being hard on yourself for using the alcohol and practice another method of unwinding (for now without forcing yourself to quit the drinking as well). Let the drop in alcohol come organically instead of using that rigid thinking “I Must Quit This.”

I’ve written too much, sorry. I hope you have found this at least somewhat useful. Even if you only take away that you are not, by far, the only one.

Comment on Needing to Be Alone by Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 19:18:03 +0000

Sounds like you are an introvert, you get recharged by spending time alone. Don’t deny it to yourself – you need it.

Comment on Needing to Be Alone by chris

chris — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 17:57:17 +0000

I hear what you’re saying. A co-worker and I were just discussing this the other day – we are both like you and have spouses who are like your spouse.

It’s frustrating, but it is necessary to build in time for just you. Keeps you from tearing your spouse’s and kids’ hair out!

Comment on Wrong Planet by Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:50:26 +0000

I’ll bet you are not as unusual as you think. I have to admit I was sure you were a woman until the third paragraph, but I think that just shows what our societal expectations are, not biological destiny. We are taught that men want sex all the time, so we think it’s weird if one doesn’t.

I would much rather have a hot fudge sundae than sex, and I’ll bet if you counted, my husband has given me the former more often than the latter. It gives him a satisfied wife, and it makes me feel all warm inside that he thinks of me and brings me treats (sweets, and thoughtful emails, and books, and music, and doing the dishes) that show me he thinks of me and knows me and loves me. I guess sex is nice, too, but it’s not that high on the list for me.

It’s higher on his list than mine, but I’ll tell you, not as high as TV and movies lead me to believe it should be. I think there are some people who think sex is really important, and some who just think its great, but not in an obsessive addictive way. Anyone else?